Struggles of this fat girl

Friends, times are tough.

I'm not talking about the dow jones, my 401k or the economy. I'm talking about weight loss. Or rather my lack of it. This is about weight gain, which I have been doing fabulously. I am up 3 lbs from the biggest loser contest weigh-in from 2 weeks ago. I have lost my momentum and am having a heck of a time getting it back. I haven't been to the gym in over a month. Yes, I've been blaming this on Spring soccer, cub scouts, daisy scouts and ballet. I have been eating terribly, especially this past week. I do great while at work but the evenings are killing me. At one point I was actually up 5 lbs, but managed to get rid of a couple of those.

Weight loss stinks. It is incredibly easy to fall back into old patterns. I must confess, the other night, while watching "The biggest loser", I actually ate ice cream. Geez.

It is constant, neverending work. I do believe this is a journey I am supposed to be on but I can't say I enjoy it. Yes, I am proud of what I have accomplished and continue to focus on that.

Today is {another} new day!

Getting my groove back and composting (what a pair!?)

Ohhhhh, boy. I have been terrible. T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E. After the biggest loser contest I completely went off the deep end for a week and a half! Completely lost my drive. What's up with that? I am motivated by competition so when that ended so did my willpower. I'm feeling back on track today and have some serious ground to make up. (along the lines of 5 lbs!!!!)

Yesterday I completed my compost bin. This is the first time I have had one...and I am SO excited about it. I love the idea of recycling your yard waste, kitchen scraps, etc and turning it into something amazing for your garden! Did you know nearly 1/3 of your kitchen scraps can be used for compost? It's a great way to fertilize organically.

I drilled holes in the sides and bottom for aeration, and will have to find a makeshift lid since I don't have one. I started off by adding dry leaves, twigs, shredded newspaper and cardboard. Then I added a layer of manure, grass clippings,  corn cobs (and the water I boiled them in), vegetable peelings and coffee grounds. I covered that with a layer of topsoil and moistened the pile down. It should be cooking in no time! Now I am on the hunt for red-wiggler worms, which are said to be amazing for compost piles.

Wish me luck!

Still a big loser.

Yesterday at the final weigh-in I weighed in with the highest percentage of weight loss during our 3 month contest! I won another $200.00 (I won $350 last time, but we had less people participate this go around) and will use it to buy clothes!! I'm feeling good about that...but even better about being over halfway to my goal, and feeling amazing!
The funny thing is....weight loss can be an uncomfortable situation. Frankly, while I'm proud of how much I have lost, I'm also a little embarassed at how heavy I let myself get. By the time I reach my goal weight, I will have lost 120 lbs, or a whopping 45% of weight loss. Nearly half of me will be gone. That's a person. What brought me to that point of not respecting myself enough to take care of myself? I don't know. I don't really even know what it was that finally clicked and started this change in me. Maybe this is all part of the journey God has mapped out for me. Maybe it was the fact that my husband has always been so supportive and loves me just the way I am, no matter what.

I know I've talked about this before, but one of the most rewarding parts of this journey is the impact it has on others, especially my children. Cole loves to come up and hug me and make a big deal about how easily he can wrap his arms all the way around me. He's so supportive and is always calling me "skinny girl". He tells everyone how much weight I've lost. Both of the kids have really soaked up this new lifestyle of healthy and nutritious eating. Sure, they have their share of popsicles and occassional drive-thru...but they know that these kinds of foods are okay once in awhile, and they're not the norm. They see me getting out to excercise and keeping active. I am laying the foundation for what will hopefully be healthy and fit living for the rest of their lives.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not preaching about being perfect. For example, last night I met a couple girflriends for dinner and proceeded to down 2 dacquiris and a veggie patch personal pizza that had way too much cheese.

Yes, I know that celebrating a weight-loss victory with food is counteractive, but I'm not planning on spending the rest of my life denying myself of everything. I don't regret it this morning (ok, well maybe except for the headache), and I'm so much less likely to make bad choices when I know I can have some fun once in awhile.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend...keep your eye out for tomorrow's post in which I consider making a scary life changing decision!

(no, it doesn't involve giving up sunchips. The horror.)

Hi there.

Just checking in friends...how is everyone? I've had a hectic week at work and am so glad tomorrow is Friday. Instead of being dissapointed in all the things that I didn't accomplish this week that I had planned to, I will enjoy my weekend and hit work hard next week.

Tomorrow is the final weigh-in for our 2nd Biggest loser contest at work. Remember the last contest? (shameless, aren't I?) Regardless of tomorrow's outcome, I'm really proud of myself for where my hard work has gotten me so far. I will also be glad to be done with all the competing for awhile. I realized the other day that I am halfway through this journey. HALFWAY....to my ultimate goal. Instead of thinking about what I still need to do, I'm celebrating how far I have come.

A few victories this week:

*stayed within my points every day!
*ran 3 times this week!
*lots and lots and lots of water!
*a friend gave me some jeans of hers in a size I haven't worn since jr. high, and they *almost* fit!

I rock, don't I?

WEIGH-IN

Well, after a crazy four days last weekend where I ate pretty much anything I wanted, didn't excercise and barely drank any water, I had gained 3 pounds. I got myself back on track and lost those plus another one, so I am officially down 1 pound since last weeks' weigh in. As I get closer to "Onederland" (under 200lbs), I get more excited. I honestly can't remember the last time I was there..maybe Jr. high? Wow. I have wasted so much of my life being fat, and I am done with that. Done.

This morning I have to go into work for a couple hours, and Gracie is coming with me to keep me company. Or maybe she's coming because she doesn't want to stand in the rain while watching Cole's soccer game. It's a toss up. Later today I am taking the kids to the greenhouse at Manito Park to look around. This will be fun, educational and will count towards an arrowpoint for Cole's cub scout uniform. I was planning on working in the yard today but it looks like yet another rainy day.

Last night our whole family was playing SORRY. I can't tell you how many games of SORRY I have played this week. Long story short, Gracie caught Daddy cheating and in typical drama-girl fashion promptly boxed up the game and took it away. It was very entertaining! She cracks me up.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Every day on my four day weekend I have set my alarm for 6am, so I could have a bit of quiet time before the kids get up. I love my early morning time with my music and coffee. Cole is usually up only a half hour behind me, and once Cole's up, EVERYONE's up. He's noisy. This morning I looked in on him and he had his big stuffed dog on top of his head, with his arm around it. So cute. Miss Gracie is in her not-so-graceful sleeping position which includes being sprawled out all over on her bed and snoring like a sailor. Adorable.

I'm blessed.

It's been a fantastic and very productive weekend. I was so far behind on everything around the house that it was really bothering me. Having the yard sale behind us is a tremendous relief. We still have alot of stuff in the basement to sort through, so I've decided to go down and bring up one box a day, decided what's garbage and what's a keeper. My goal is to get everything back into its place and properly sorted and organized. Yesterday I finally mowed for the first time this Spring. Today I will spend most of the day in the yard and preparing the garden area, then a bit of relaxation before ballet and a cub scout pack meeting. Tomorrow I head back to work. Boo.

My eating this weekend has been horrible. I barely drank water at all, and ate stuff I really shouldn't have.We bought a box of individual Sun Chips bags at Costco, thinking that it would be an easy way to keep track of my servings. I ate THREE bags in a half hour. Not a good strategy, although a yummy one. Curse you, Sun Chips.

 I'm not beating myself up over it, but I will be on my best behavior the rest of this week. Pinky swear.

TA-DA!!

Why yes, I HAVE lost 60 pounds, in almost exactly 6 months (okay, 6 months and 2 days). Yes, I AM feeling awfully darn proud of myself. If you remember from a previous post, that IS a weight loss percentage of 21.05%! I KNOW I'm being a bit obnoxious right now, but I deserve it!

HELLO AGAIN

It's been a busy week, no time for blogging! Maybe later today when things quiet down a bit. This morning we have an early soccer game, followed by errands, dropping the kids off at Grammy's for a sleepover, gym workout, tackling the house which is a disaster, squeeze in a nap, dinner out with hubby, and the "only fools run at midnight" run tonight at....duh...midnight! Can I make it up that late? We'll find out!

I am about 3 pounds away from my short term goal, 225 pounds, which means a 60 pound weight loss!! Percentage wise, that will mean I have lost 21.05%. WOW! I can't believe it! I still have some of my biggest loser winnings socked away, and I'm thinking about how I may reward myself....Maybe new running shoes...like these little beauties:

 or a wild olive tee...like maybe this one: 

Ahhh...decisions, decisions. If you have an opinion on this very important matter, please vote in the poll at the top right corner of my sidebar!

HYC UPDATE

All is well in weight-loss land. I've earned myself a shiny, sparkly new button on my sidebar. Isn't it lovely? I meant to put it on a few days ago but things have been BUSY! I haven't gotten to the gym as much as usual this past week, however I have been walking and running with the kids nearly every day. I snuck out last night at bedtime and had a hot date with the elliptical machine at the gym. Felt great! I have noticed a significant slow-down in my weight loss since I haven't been working on the elliptical as much. This weekend we are doing the "Only fools run at midnight" fun run. I am not a night owl, so this should be interesting! I have a feeling there will be a late night coffee break.

Easter wasn't much of a challenge for me, food wise...given that I don't eat meat, pork or chicken anymore. Paco and the kids had spiral ham, loaded baked potatos and asparagus. I just had a couple small potatoes with greek yogurt and cheese, and a pile of asparagus. SO good.

Sorry, not a very exciting post but better than nothing, eh?

18.25

18.25....that's my current weight loss percentage....so far! When I hit the high end of my goal weight range...my percentage will be 43.86! Yowza!

HYC UPDATE

Hi friends! All is well on the weight-loss front, although I can't believe how much slower it is going now. I am 2 pounds away from the 55 pound mark. Perhaps I would already be there had I not overindulged at a friends' wedding over this past weekend! (1 glass of wine, 3 lemon drop martinis and 2 mimosas, not to mention wedding cake!). Know what? I don't regret it at all! If I can't have days like that here and there, life would be no fun at all.

A few non-scale victories to share: I am now wearing a pant size that I haven't worn since high school....about 18 years ago! Also, I bought the cutest little black sweater in the regular ladies department that was a size XL, and I LOVE IT!

And while I'm at it, yesterday at the gym I ran for a total of 15 minutes. This is HUGE for me!! I was doing 1 minute intervals: walk as fast as I could for a minute, than run for a minute. I usually only do 10 minutes, but felt like I could keep going, so I did. So proud of that!

When I get discouraged about the slow weight loss, I remind myself of all the compliments I get on a daily basis about how I'm doing. It's such a motivator and keeps me going. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of myself, and I feel AMAZING! I am so glad I finally started putting my health first. I feel like a million bucks since turning to a vegetarian lifestyle, and more often than that, if I do have a day where I "binge", it's usually on something that's actually relatively healthy, but I just ate too much of it. I'm ok with that once in awhile.

I have thought alot lately about regrets and things I wish I would have done earlier in life but never did. Obviously, I can't go back for a re-do, but I am doing what I can about it now. I'm trying to look at these feelings in a positive light and use them as lessons for my children's lives. Hopefully they can learn from my mistakes, and I won't feel as discouraged about it. Maybe that is part of God's big plan for me.

Well that took a weird turn, didn't it? It's early and I haven't had all my coffee. HA! Later today I will be sharing a new recipe we tried last night : Tortilla crusted goat cheese and asparagus quiche!! SO good and only 5 points per serving. YUM!

WEIGH-IN, CLOTHES AND DINNER

I made the most delicious dinner last night! I can't post a picture of it in all its delicious glory because my camera may be toast. For a person that uses her camera everyday, this is not good news! Anyway, here's my "recipe"!! This is not an actual recipe, but just everything I throw in a bowl. The amounts depend on how much I'm making. You're smart, and could figure it out! We have just recently discovered the Quorn chik'n tenders, and seriously, Paco and I love it! We've used it 3 times this week!

QUORN AND BEAN BURRITO

Quorn chik'n tenders (chicken substitute, and SO good!)
low sodium black beans (rinsed)
salsa (I use chachi's key lime and garlic)
light sour cream or greek yogurt
large tortilla (I use La Tortilla factory, tomato basil)

Brown the chik'n and season with taco seasoning. Combine remaining ingredients in a bowl and spread on a tortilla. That's it! Lots of variations to this...you could also add in corn, cilantro, onion and sprinkle in some cheese as well. This is so quick, very filling and SO delicous! Also, for my weight watcher friends, only 4 points for the whole thing (without cheese)!

On to my weigh-in. It may not LOOK very impressive, but here's the thing. After I hit the 50lb mark, I had a girl scout cookie incident (or two?), gained back about 3-4 pounds or so, and was unable to get to the gym for a few days. Now I have re-lost those 3 and an additional 2. I'm happy with that!! Hey, we all have to have our fun, right?

I went through my dresser and closet last night. Pulled out a bunch of clothes that are too big, including 6 pairs of jeans! Wow!! I also bought a cute outfit to wear to a wedding today. I will have you know that I am ONE size away from not buying plus-size jeans anymore. WOOT! That's a huge deal!

I'M NOT FAT ENOUGH

You heard me. I'm not fat enough to fit into any of these old clothes. What's a girl to do?

SHOP!

THE BURN

I love this post on Keelie's blog...check it out!

Oh, and by the way, be on the lookout for a new button on my sidebar this weekend...I'm almost to 55!

VICTORY AT OLD NAVY

Some of you remember that when I won the Biggest loser contest at work (and $350.00!) my plan was to earmark that money for new clothes from Old Navy. I transferred the money to a seperate account and had been waiting until I simply HAD to buy new clothes because everything was falling off me. Then, a week or so ago, when I hit the 50 lb mark, my very thoughtful mother in law gave me a $50 Old Navy giftcard attached to a congratulations balloon! Yes, she is such a thoughtful and wonderful person!

You may be wondering, why Old Navy? Well, I've always loved their clothes but could never squeeze comfortably into the clothes in their stores. Sure, I've ordered some stuff online in their plus-size section, but it's just not the same, you know?

Yesterday, as I enjoyed a kid-free day (thank you Bubba, it was divine!), off I went to Old Navy. Imagine the thrill when I fit into everything I wanted! I also didn't have to buy the biggest size they had (XXL), everything I got is an XL. My biggest thrill was fitting into a pair of jeans. YES! Jeans from OLD NAVY fit over my big ole' butt! I had to stop dead in my tracks,( in the dressing room nonetheless) and text Amanda with my good news. Oh, and THEN, I went out to my car and cried about it. And texted my husband and my sister.  If you've never been the fat girl you probably wouldn't know what that moment felt like for me.

 Here are a few of the things I DID buy though. The gray T-shirt is the MOST comfy shirt ever! I'm going back today to buy several more sizes! I bought two of the skirts, one gray and one black. The jeans are the actual jeans I fit into!! (obviously a bigger size than the photo..ha!) The yellow t-shirt is so cute! Mine is actually green, and I bought a few different designs.

I didn't buy the jeans (because I don't need them yet), but that's not the point, is it?! I went directly to the gym afterwards to continue towards working my way down to a size L. Go Me!

*on a side note, I am sticking true to my "stay away from the scale" resolution. Next weigh in will be on Friday, and every Friday from there on out. Weigh in's only once a week!

I DID IT!

Yes! Finally! 50 pounds! Well if that process wasn't painful, I don't know what is!

My new short-term (which, these days seems to be loooooooong term goals), is 225 pounds. I can assure you that when I get to "Onederland" (a term borrowed from Keelie) its gonna be a big, big deal. I haven't been under 200 since Jr. High. That, my friends, will be a happy happy day!

HYC UPDATE

Oh for goodness sakes. I STILL haven't hit 50 pounds. I remain ONE POUND AWAY. Irritating. Annoying. Discouraging. Motivating. And so on. This has been the hardest plateau I have EVER hit. Yes, I've tried all the "mixing it up". More excercise, less exercise, high calorie day, blah blah blah. My eating has been fine, no cheating! Really! Nothing is working. However, I will not give up. Of course! We are one month into our 2nd "Biggest Loser" contest at work (do you remember who won the FIRST BL contest? Oh stop. I'm blushing). We have periodical weigh-ins every month for people to see where they're at, but I'm opting out and waiting for the big weigh-in at the end. I've lost about 5 pounds so far this go around, much slower weight loss than what I'm used to, but, I'm still celebrating!!

I do have a few NSV's (non scale victories) though. First of all, I've started running. The first day was torture. Actually the day AFTER that was the real torture as I felt the effects. However, the day after that when I ran, I could tell it was easier! It's amazing how many different muscles I was working. I don't even hurt after an hour on the elliptical anymore, which tells me it's time to find new ways to torture ahem...challenge myself. I've got the "only fools run at midnight" and Bloomsday races coming up. Can't wait! Do you remember that running a 5K is on my list of "to-do's"? One day....

I also had a great 6 mile hike with girlfriends on Sunday. It was supposed to be a family hike with all our kiddos, but Cole was sick and my friend Amy's youngest two stayed home. Then Gracie ditched us. In the end, it was just Amanda, Amy, her son Sean and I. We actually ended up on the wrong trail, but still had an amazing hike. My victory in this is that I could have went another 6 miles! My body is so much lighter and stronger now. Denise is proud! Here's the three of us...

Oh yeah, another NSV. I ordered T-shirts for a big basketball game we are going to this Thursday. I always used to order a XXL for myself, but this time I got an XL, and it fit perfect!!! WOOT!

THE ONE IN WHICH I DON'T HAVE ALOT TO SAY

Ahhhhh....the weekend. I was looking forward to it in particular because my husband was also going to have this weekend off, and it's a rare occassion when we get a day off together, due to work schedules. However, now he is having to go into work tomorrow, so I'm feeling a little blue about that. I feel a little sad for our kids, who always seem to be hanging out with just one of us at a time....although I know for them it's always been that way so it's their "normal". Sigh.

This morning, I'm enjoying a little coffee and the kids are already playing the wii. Paco is peacefully snoozing away. I may be playing racquetball with a girlfriend this morning, and Paco has plans to work out with a friend, then I'm going to a bridal shower.Paco and Cole are working on their Pinewood Derby cars for Scouts. Soooo...this evening is set aside for just the four of us. Gracie wants to play "SORRY". She's such a simple girl, I love it!

On the weight loss front, I've been very well behaved this week. I feel like I'm back in my groove, even though I'm trying to get used to my slow poke scale not moving down as fast as I'd like. The first 43 pounds or so went so fast...and now I know it will be a much longer road to get to my goal. I've had SO many people comment this week on my weight loss...which is very motivating! Funny, I still have a hard time seeing it when I look in the mirror.

On another note, I found several new items that I love! Look for a new post this evening!

MORE OF MY FAVS, NON SCALE VICTORY!

Here are a couple products that I love!

These Fiber One bars are soooo good! They have 140 calories, 4g fat, and 9 fiber, and are 2 WW points. YUM-O! I also love these progressso soups that have 0 WW points..however, if you eat the entire can, it actually counts as 2 points, but 2 points for a meal? I'll take it! The only downfall is they are awfully high in sodium. Personally, I don't worry too much about sodium because I figure I drink enough water to counteract that. Yes, its a processed food, but sometimes the convenience is worth it. The Italian style vegetable pictured above actually has a beef broth base, and for whatever reason I missed that and ate it anyway. Since I haven't eaten meat, chicken or pork in almost 5 months, it didn't sit right with me. They were on sale at the store so I went back and stocked up but made sure I avoided the beef base. These soups are great, and very filling...especially when I have abandoned all self control, ate irresponsibly and used all my points up before noon ahem....need a very low point snack in the evenings. {Grin}

And, in other exciting news....I am still stuck at a plateau. UGH. However, yesterday I bought new jeans and fit into a size I haven't worn in a looooooong time. Can I get a shout out? WOOT!

STUCK

Dear ones, I am STUCK. Stuck, Stuck, Stuck at exactly the same weight I was nearly 2 weeks ago. This also makes me FRUSTRATED. Frustrated, frustrated, frustrated. I go to the gym nearly every day. I drink oodles of water. I'm eating right...although using a few of my WW flexpoints, but nothing crazy. Okay, well come to think of it I actually did lose 3 pounds that I had put on after the weigh-in, but still cannot drop any lower than that. The 45 pound mark continues to elude me. It's like my scale refuses to cooperate.

I hate plateaus. But I love all of you. {grin}